Conversation, according to great essayist Michael de Montaigne, is the most fruitful and natural mental exercise. Conversations are supposed to be fun. They feature personal discussions between two or more persons about an interesting topic. But as much as humans want interactions, maintaining them is not always a piece of cake, hence it's a mental exercise on the side. Sometimes despite our longing for enjoyable and productive interactions the reverse occurs and we end up having awkward, forced conversations with long pauses and short responses until final silence. Not fun at all.
In today's article, we'll go over why it's important to carry on a conversation, the challenges that are present while doing this and finally what can help you to successfully carry on a conversation.
Why are starting and holding conversations important?
Of course, not all conversations have to be long and meaningful. But there are situations where we need to make conversation that exceeds small talk with others.
For instance, when forming or re-establishing good relationships with others whether it's at the workplace with co-workers, at school with classmates or while talking to close or now distant friends. Knowing how to carry on a conversation can help you build bonds and get to know more about the person you're talking with.
You may also need to network and create connections with strangers at an event who can help you build and support your career.
Challenges with carrying on a conversation
Now, not everyone is a social butterfly and finds it easy to just walk up to someone, introduce themselves and hit it off from there. Some people are shy, nervous, or scared of being a bother to the other person. They may also view certain sorts of people as intimidating(older or more experienced ones) or be at a loss for words since they think themselves to be uninteresting.
Related: How to develop communication skills
On the other hand, if you think you're a pretty great conversationalist, trying to carry a conversation with people who have these feelings can be challenging because their response is not as enthusiastic as your remarks or they don't "give off the same vibe".
Others might just be sceptical about talking to a stranger depending on the situation.
In all honesty, when it comes to having good conversations the odds are stacked against you since it's relatively easy for the conversation to die out if one or both parties doesn't see the need to put in the mental effort. But there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and you can beat the odds. Here's how.
Steps to take to carry on a conversation
1. Have a purpose: When there's specific intent behind a conversation, there are lower chances of awkwardness because it ensures the interaction has a direction.
Tip: Before you start a conversation ask yourself why you want to talk to the other person, even if it's as generic as getting to know them better. Asking yourself what you want to know about them will give you a sense of direction when you start the conversation.
2. Start the conversation: This is a pretty obvious step. Before you proceed to carry on a conversation you have to start it first. You can do this in different ways. If you're talking to someone new you might decide to start with an introduction and follow up question. If it's someone you already know, a simple Hey, what's up can do the trick. It doesn't matter what line you start with though; it's what you choose to say or not say afterwards that determines where the conversation goes.
Tip: Be friendly and polite. People are more inclined to start a conversation with someone pleasant. Smile but don't be creepy. Be warm, relaxed and confident.
3. Pull out your bag of questions: To be a good conversationalist you have to be curious. Asking good questions is great for keeping a conversation going. Some starter questions can be based on the situation or setting you to find yourselves in. Make them open-ended(ask questions that they can give a considerable amount of information instead of a simple yes or no reply). Then, create additional questions based on the responses you receive. Doing so shows you're listening and interested in what the other person is saying.
Tip: You can also make a comment and ask the other person 'what do you think?'. Have a few questions or comments prepared beforehand if thinking on the spot is a challenge for you. The more you step out of your comfort zone though, the better you'll get.
4. Figure out mutual interest(s): Once you find a topic you're both interested in, the conversation usually takes off from there and starts to feel more natural. Around this time you may have to answer questions thrown at you. Try giving detailed responses when necessary, that also gives the other person something to work with.
Tip: If you don't seem to discover any common ground yet, feel free to make additional small chats until you find a more engaging topic.
5. Thread the conversation: When the conversation starts to get interesting, you have more statements to dissect and build follow up questions from. This can be a great way to switch to different topics and keep the conversation moving.
Tip: After a person makes a statement, see if you can ask why? Or acknowledge the statement and if it's something you can relate to, make a personal comment.
Things to keep in mind
- Take the initiative and venture outside of your comfort zone. Conversations frequently come to an abrupt end when one person is unsure of how to proceed and is waiting for the other to take the lead and drive the conversation.
This will be challenging at first, If you are a timid person, but with practice, it will become second nature says Chris Macleod in his article, Getting past the first few minutes of one on one conversation.
- In the same article, he mentions things you can do to take the initiative, which include; asking the questions, being willing to change the subject if it isn't promoting a fruitful interaction, and doing most of the talking, possibly sharing anecdotes or stories until the other person feels more at ease.
- Don't stick to asking questions only so it doesn't seem like an interrogation.
- Be realistic. Not all conversations can be fruitful. So don't be discouraged if you don't always beat the odds.[1]
We're positive that if you follow these steps appropriately, you'll be able to keep a discussion flowing.
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